My favorite movie is Frankenstein. You got this poor, big, dumb, ugly ox who nobody understands and everyone tries to avoid because he’s an unpredictable monstrosity. I can relate to this guy. He and I even share the same first name—well, technically it’s my first name and part of his last. But who cares? We’re like twins—except as far as I know, my parts are single-sourced (only my cartoonist knows for sure).

There are plenty of Frankensteinish material handling systems out there—and Imperfectly Franks working with them. Being Frankensteinish ain’t necessarily a bad thing. In this economy, plenty of systems managers are repurposing equipment. This can even be a ...Read More

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You might ask how a dumb guy like me, who gets into all kindsa trouble on the job, keeps his job. How ‘bout comedy relief?

There ain't many jobs available for a “comedy relief,” and I guess there’s some level of skill required to be such an artful screw-up. I wouldn’t recommend you copy me, though. Like I said, I think me and maybe Dagwood Bumstead and the “Born Loser” hold the only jobs left that call for comedy relief.

There’s more of a future in being a healthy, capable person. And believe me, you live longer going in that direct...Read More

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Hollywood has done it again! Another big box office blockbuster features materials handling in several key scenes. Actually, you could say the star is a materials handler himself. The movie is Wall-E and this time the spotlight falls on robotics and vertical carousels.

Wall-E (short for Waste Allocation Load Lifter Earth-Class) is a kind of trash compactor robot that makes nice neat trash cubes out of – well, messy, strewn-about trash. He’s also a romantic scavenger at heart, and when he sees something he doesn’t think is trash, he stores it away in his own vertical carousel. This movie’s a great example of recycling and lean operations. In Wall-E’s world, everything has a place t...Read More

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The reason I have a part time job here blogging for Modern is I have a full-time materials handling day job. The editors wanted me because I set a good example. The magazine shows the kind of stuff I do and you people are supposed to do the opposite. The thing is, I do mean well.

A lot of you guys are like me. We try to do the right thing the wrong way. I’ve made that work for me. I’ve been told I’m both entertaining and provide good teaching moments. That’s why I’m a kinda like a franchise for Modern. Everyone else learns except me. If I start getting smart, Modern won’t want me no more.

My goofs tend to be monument...Read More

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Sometimes I think I’m not important enough to get arrested. If I were, though, I’d want to be arrested in the United Kingdom. Maybe then I’d become a better forklift operator.

There’s a place in the U.K. called The Glen Parva Young Offenders Institute. It’s an enlightened place where they give inmates a reason to live. Who woulda’ thought that forklifts would offer that hope?

They have a two-week forklift course that gives these people a chance to work towards...Read More

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Hey folks! I just saw that “Incredible Hulk” movie. Three thumbs up! The materials handling in it accounts for the extra thumb. You’ll see conveyors, lift trucks, shelving… and you’ll see this big green guy do something we’ve all wished we could do after a bad day—toss a lift truck at someone. This was all in the first half hour.

More mayhem ensues, but there IS a great safety message, believe it or not. Every once in a while, a message flashes on the screen, showing how long it’s been since our hero hulked out. It’s just like the safety messages you see in the best plants and DCs: “15 days without a lost day incident.” Except, in this movie, it says something like “15 days since last hulk-out.” Or ...Read More

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Remember that story ‘bout the boy who cried wolf too much? Eventually he was ignored, and eventually a wolf DID come. It can be that way with lift truck alarms if you ain’t careful. I just saw a report from Hyster Company that evaluated its own accident reports. Turns out, lotsa people get hurt by lift trucks they’re not even drivin’. They’re just standin’ around where someone they’re workin’ with is drivin’ and they get clipped. Most of the time these lift trucks have audible and visible alarms, and they’re either not workin’ or people get so used to ‘em that they ignore ‘em.

The report says the following things also contribute to accidents:

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Lotsa guys think safety's a matter of common sense. Yeah, that’s right, guys who work in a warehouse or DC know how to be safe around lift trucks and racks. Gimme a break.

If safety was that easy I wouldn’t be takin' so many cartoon pratfalls. I got a lot to learn when it comes to safety. That’s why consultants make such big bucks. I’m tryin' to read up on ways to be safer. I just saw an article by some guys from Proudfoot Consulting. That name alone's pretty funny. But they’re legit—actually part of Management Consulting Group PLC., a big consulting firms out of Atlanta.

They say when they enter a wa...Read More

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You know, if anyone should be depressed, it’s me. You seen the kinda trouble I get into. Heck, you maybe even get a few laughs at my expense. Go ahead, laugh. I know what you’re thinkin’—“Better you than me,” right? A buddy of mine says comedy is based on some other clown’s tragedy.

That’s okay. I don’t mind bein’ the guy whose foot always finds a banana peel. Thing is, you probably have people like me in your warehouse, DC or plant—people that life ain’t been good to and are feelin’ depressed. You better pay attention to ‘em ‘cause where there’s depression there’s cost in your future.

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You can be the smartest guy in the world, but go into a warehouse and, believe me, folks, the playin’ field gets flat pretty quick. This is a place where common sense trumps book learnin’. And sometimes common sense ain’t so common.

My mom always said I wasn’t the sharpest knife in her drawer, but I was always good for a laugh. I seem to get that a lot, even from people who aren’t my mom. But even I know there are some things you just don’t do.

You know those inflatable dunnage bags? They use ‘em in trailers and railcars to cushion loads. What do ya do on the receivin’ end when you’re done unloadin’ that stuff? Ya gotta deflate them bags o...Read More

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I may be a cartoon character, but I have feelings too. When Foster Apple responded to my first blog about the cartoonish situations logistics folks get themselves into, I was glad someone out there in the blogosphere was paying attention to me. Unfortunately, what he told me wasn’t very funny. His dad was electrocuted in an occupational accident a long time ago. Losing someone like that would make me lose my sense of humor. Foster didn’t.

He recognizes that in all tragedy, as in all comedy, there’s a lesson to learn. The stuff that happens to me may be pretty funny to you, but let me tell you, me getting sandwiched into a pallet load ain’t fun. Mr. Apple once saw a fellow employee run an electric pallet jack off a dock while hanging on to it, thinking he could stop it. He lived to tell the tale. And because he’s alive to tell it,...Read More

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If you read every issue of Modern like I do, you probably seen those "Imperfectly Frank" cartoons. I almost cancelled my subscription when they started printin’ ‘em. A buddy of mine even told me to sue. There’s gotta be somethin’ about invasion of privacy I could get these guys with.

I threatened the editors with that and they laughed in my face. I shoulda been insulted, but I guess I’m so used to people laughin’ at my face that laughin’ in it doesn’t make much difference. When they stopped laughin’ the editors said we could be performin’ a service with these little slices of my life. People could learn from my mistakes. I think they used the word “satire.” They also talked about some...Read More

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